Woop, hello everyone! Our class got suspended because Philippines is currently experiencing a storm and as I’ve said in my twitter account, I’ll write a post today. So here it is! Anyway before reading, please stay safe wherever you are right now!
: not pleased or satisfied
Earlier this day, our guidance counsellor asked us to answer a psychological test. The test was easy– it’s psychological so everything is correct as long as you’re honest in answering. Anyway, before we started answering the test, Elline, Aila and I were so happy. We were saying stuff that doesn’t really matter BUT it’s so funny so we end up laughing so hard. The guidance counsellor looked at us and asked us what was funny, but we didn’t answer because we don’t really know what’s funny. It’s just we’re so happy at that moment, everything we say seemed funny. And then the test began.
There were questions asking how’s life been for us, what was our ambitions in life when we were still young and what’s our ambition in life now. I answered the test honestly until I reached the last part.
The last part of the test was about how we are feeling in that moment. I wrote happy, and then later on, I added that it feels like something is missing. Something is incomplete. And eventually, I became sad. The three of us who were laughing so hard earlier stopped and there was silence between the three of us. I knew they became sad and felt lonely too. Right after finishing, I passed the paper to the guidance counsellor and he called my surname and asked me what’s missing. He probably read my answer already– and I answered him that I don’t know. It hurts. And then he told me that he feels the same way too at times.
As I was going home, I reflected about it. Why am I discontented? Why do I feel like something is missing? Why do I feel so incomplete?
And I got the answer when I was on the truck with my dad because we bought food for my mum. I was really thinking about it– and then suddenly my gaze went up in the skies. I stared at the skies. The sky was gloomy, the wind is so chill and it’s partly raining– and at that moment, I found the answer.
I’ll be completely honest about this, but recently, I haven’t been talking to God seriously. I pray every night, yes, but it’s not like before. I pray because I felt like I needed to pray, but I don’t really talk to Him. I was just praying but not understanding what are the things I’m praying for. I was just praying because it’s part of my routine, and I felt bad about that. I’ve thought about this a lot of times, and I realised.. this is why I’m feeling these things. This is why I’m feeling so depressed these past few weeks. This is why I can’t understand other people and just lean on my own. This is why I don’t see the beauty and goodness in other people.
It’s because I’m slowly drifting away from Him. As much as I don’t want to admit, but that’s really what’s happening.
And I don’t want to drift away.
I will hold on…and even tighter.
I want to ask you something that our Philo teacher asked: When you are praying, are you really praying to Him or are you just praying to yourself?
Please reflect— and it’s alright if you keep it in yourself! You don’t need to share it in the comments below!