Woop, hello everyone! Our class got suspended because Philippines is currently experiencing a storm and as I’ve said in my twitter account, I’ll write a post today. So here it is! Anyway before reading, please stay safe wherever you are right now!

Discontentment (adjective)

: not pleased or satisfied 

Earlier this day, our guidance counsellor asked us to answer a psychological test. The test was easy– it’s psychological so everything is correct as long as you’re honest in answering. Anyway, before we started answering the test, Elline, Aila and I were so happy. We were saying stuff that doesn’t really matter BUT it’s so funny so we end up laughing so hard. The guidance counsellor looked at us and asked us what was funny, but we didn’t answer because we don’t really know what’s funny. It’s just we’re so happy at that moment, everything we say seemed funny. And then the test began. 

There were questions asking how’s life been for us, what was our ambitions in life when we were still young and what’s our ambition in life now. I answered the test honestly until I reached the last part. 

The last part of the test was about how we are feeling in that moment. I wrote happy, and then later on, I added that it feels like something is missing. Something is incomplete. And eventually, I became sad. The three of us who were laughing so hard earlier stopped and there was silence between the three of us. I knew they became sad and felt lonely too. Right after finishing, I passed the paper to the guidance counsellor and he called my surname and asked me what’s missing. He probably read my answer already– and I answered him that I don’t know. It hurts. And then he told me that he feels the same way too at times. 

As I was going home, I reflected about it. Why am I discontented? Why do I feel like something is missing? Why do I feel so incomplete? 

And I got the answer when I was on the truck with my dad because we bought food for my mum. I was really thinking about it– and then suddenly my gaze went up in the skies. I stared at the skies. The sky was gloomy, the wind is so chill and it’s partly raining– and at that moment, I found the answer. 

I’ll be completely honest about this, but recently, I haven’t been talking to God seriously. I pray every night, yes, but it’s not like before. I pray because I felt like I needed to pray, but I don’t really talk to Him. I was just praying but not understanding what are the things I’m praying for. I was just praying because it’s part of my routine, and I felt bad about that. I’ve thought about this a lot of times, and I realised.. this is why I’m feeling these things. This is why I’m feeling so depressed these past few weeks. This is why I can’t understand other people and just lean on my own. This is why I don’t see the beauty and goodness in other people. 


It’s because I’m slowly drifting away from Him. As much as I don’t want to admit, but that’s really what’s happening. 

And I don’t want to drift away. 

I will hold on…and even tighter. 

I want to ask you something that our Philo teacher asked: When you are praying, are you really praying to Him or are you just praying to yourself? 

Please reflect— and it’s alright if you keep it in yourself! You don’t need to share it in the comments below!


30 thoughts on “Discontentment

  1. Sabi ko na nga ba eh you are a Filipino. 😅😁 . We’ll for your teacher’s question, I would say, we are praying to him, not to ourselves. But the catch is that we are praying to Him for ourselves. We are praying to him to guide us, to protect us and also to bless us. Not only do we ask for his guidance and blessing but also to thank him for all the things he’d given us. Praying is such an important thing and it should be done with pure heart. Because praying is a way of talking to Him. ☺😁

  2. I have been feeling this way for months now, Jirah. I was still praying and talking to Him every day, but it was out of habit. My faith in Him was really weakened after what my mom went through in April (she miscarried and had to have surgery), because I felt like the Lord didn’t care for us. I didn’t understand why He’d let her go through that, why our family had to go through that situation. When I realized how I was feeling, which was only a couple days ago, I was able to see that He didn’t put us through that to watch us hurt; it was to teach us. We learned things we couldn’t have learned if we hadn’t gone through that. To answer the question you ended your post with, I always pray to the Lord, although there are times (like recently) where my heart really isn’t in it. As of these past few days, I’ve felt closer to Him than I have in months because I can once again trust that He has our best interest in mind. ❤

  3. I resonate with this post so much as I have been feeling the same way. Once you get to know Him, drifting away form Him is so painful because you know the happiness you could be experiencing, but without it there is no meaning and joy. Once you’ve had a taste of His goodness, it’s hard to live without it.

    I think it’s good in a way that you feel this emptiness though; it’s kind of like a reminder to go back to God. It would be more sad to drift from Him and not even feel it and then get further and further. I bet it makes God happy that you have a kind of radar for Him and that you seem to miss Him. 🙂

  4. First, I hope everyone in the Philippines gets through this storm safely. But also, I go through phases with my faith. Personally, it’s been weakened for me over the years, when I was younger, it was a lot stronger. But I just drifted away piece by piece, and now when I pray, it’s mostly for myself. To give myself comfort and peace of mind. Thanks for getting me to reflect on this Jirah, it was interesting 🙂

  5. Haha it’s written on my about page! 🙂 Nice to meet you, kababayan! Haha. Thanks for reflecting the question. When our teacher asked that, I made time to reflect it myself. My answer was both yes and no. Sometimes I am really praying, and sometimes I don’t. But I totally agree that praying is such an important thing and should be done with pure heart. 😊 Thanks for dropping by!!!

  6. That’s what I’m experiencing as of now. And sorry your mom had to go through that but I know all is well now. And our Philo teacher also told us that to achieve that happiness, we have to go through sufferings too, just like what Christ had gone through in the Paschal Mystery. And that’s so good, Maggie. Glad you’re now close to Him again. As for me, I will hold on. I know He has better plans for me, just as He have better plans for you. 😊❤

  7. I hope you feel well soon, Sarah. God has better plans for everyone of us. And that’s totally true– I’ve been so happy but there’s no true joy. And with that, I feel incomplete. And that’s a good point, maybe I’ve been really drifting away and it is God’s reminder for me to go back. Thank you so much for dropping by, Sarah! 😊

  8. Ah, I hope so too! Hope they all stay safe! And thanks for sharing your reflection, Angela. These past few months, when I pray, it’s also for myself as well. And I really thought it was interesting to share it with you all– I gave a lot of time reflecting the question. ❤

  9. It was so hard for all of us at the time, but she’s definitely doing much better now. Your teacher is absolutely right. Even though sufferings and pain are not enjoyable to face, they bring us to trust in the Lord more, and our faith in Him is strengthened. ❤

  10. shylittlebeauty

    This is an amazing post, and one I really needed to read. I just wanted to say thanks, Jirah. You’ve definitely made me think hard and realize.

  11. You think you are holding on to Him. One day you will realise He is holding on to you! When I pray I just try to allow God to have access to my inner thoughts. Let Him into my head, He can figure it out better than I can!

  12. I’m more than happy that this post reached your heart. And you’re so welcome! 😊 I had a long reflection about this post too. ❤ Have a lovely day and thank you SO much for dropping by and reading! x

  13. Absolutely true!! God is not a wish-granting factory– we need to wait for Him because He has planned everything for us already. It’s just the right timing! 😊

  14. Thank you so much for saying this. I’m also having a hard time telling my problems to the Lord because I myself can’t even figure out what’s wrong. Thanks again for commenting this one. Definitely needed this! 😊

  15. I know what you mean. I find it difficult to talk and pray to God because he’s not here in the flesh, and he can’t give me answers straight away…

  16. Eccentric Muse

    I know what you mean and how you’re feeling because I’ve lived this situation a few years ago. What you’ve been feeling is a reminder to get back to Him. Pray and talk to Him. He is always there waiting for us with open arms. I send you hugs.

  17. I just read your blog and it really hit my feels. I can honestly relate to this so much as I feel discontent as well, I also feel empty and sad. I haven’t being praying to god either, and I have just been sitting around feeling sorry for myself. This blog really spoke out to me as I have been dealing with depression, thank you for speaking out and for sharing this with us. It means a lot. And the way you wrote was beautiful, your like an author!!!! Louisa xxx

  18. God bless you for your honesty. You know, He listens to an open heart. You don’t have to please Him because of routine. He wants that eagerness. A lot disciples, and people in the Bible struggled with their relationship. Jesus understands that. : ) And He loves us in all seasons. I’m so glad you’re open. I know the times I feel distant towards God, there’s something I’m hiding within myself, usually things I haven’t given Him. A form of control I want to keep over my life. Anger, bitterness, even shame. These are all things I’ve had to discover and learn to give Him. It doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. : )

  19. Thank you so much. And God bless you for saying these things to me. You always help me, T.R. Thank you– I’m so glad God gave me an internet friend like you! 😊💗

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